indizível

fear.
fear felt, as your steps follow one another.
as you think of all it could be, as the statues he’s kept are so frail.
as the promise you’ve whispered, silently, seems so possible.
for the very first time.
fear all around and all within.

as your teeth stretch your smile beyond.
and you can’t feel anything anymore.
when you don’t deserve
and your guilt chokes you in black thick waves.

he reaches you a hand
but his hand is filled with holes
and your fear of sinking
is all around and all within.

teased by the peace of leaving your feet where they are.
sit in the garden bench,
your sunglasses reflecting the pond,
your shattered heart, reflecting the possibilities you have not been capable of living.

you fear you were not faded for love.

(whilst listening to tori amos' «gold dust»)